We threw a great party. Everyone said so. We had a garden wedding, complete with bubbles, late blooming roses in October and a perfectly sunny day. We danced to one of my favorite bands and talked to what felt like a million people. It was a blur; a beautiful, colorful, joyous blur.
And yet, I can honestly say that I love my husband more now, more completely, more honestly today than I did on October 3, 2010. In the past four years, we’ve grown together in a way that I didn’t imagine. We’ve faced and defeated mountains of debt, horrendous fights over minuscule things and survived each other’s driving. He makes me laugh with his strange old man impersonations, nerdy TV addictions and generally off beat sense of humor. He drives me crazy with his home improvement ADHD and impatience with life in general. But still, I love him more now than I did then. And I think it’s high time that I told him.
The love letter is a lost art and my penmanship leaves much to be desired. I tried writing out a sonnet from Shakespeare once for him but after squinting through my chicken scratch, I think it lost a bit of its charm. So here’s my own take, in black and white and glossy.
When first we met, I didn’t know what to make of you. I had big plans and none of them involved living in the suburbs with two dogs and a never ending housing project. I was hitting the road, traveling the world and I wasn’t looking back. Of course, I wasn’t looking forward either. Not really. When I see the map of the world now, and think of it without you, it seems pointless.
Since our first rocky year of fights over the dishwasher, negotiation of cleaning styles and management of money, we’ve grown into a lean, mean, married machine. I know at the end of the day, there’s no one I would rather see than you, even if it’s just across the couch or cuddled up on the floor with the dogs. Your eye for beauty inspires me and your love of discovery matches my own.
You push me to do things that I’m scared to do and I think that I do the same for you. You are the only person that could entice me to go SCUBA diving at night. We are each other’s opposites. I’m scared of depths. You’re scared of heights. I’m a detailed travel planner and you’re happy to let me take the wheel (figuratively, not literally). I look at the long term of our finances. You look at the long term of our life. You’re the only person that could make me look stable and responsible. I love that you dream and dream big.
And when heartache hits, you are the one that lets me know that it’s okay to let it out. To talk about my feelings, to rail at the world or even you, if I need to. That bottling it up doesn’t make it go away. In the darkest hours of my life, you were there, with my hand in yours, ready to fight battles for me and for us. And when I was ready, you were there with a smile and a laugh, strong arms, sushi and bourbon. You understand and embrace that I’m not the wife you thought I would be, and that I’m growing into it a little more each day.
So thank you for being part of our team. I don’t know what the future holds, but as long as we hold tight to each other, we will make it. I said it once, and I’ll say it again. I do, I will, and I will never stop loving you.